And to top it all off, Mother Nature played a lovely April Fools' trick on us, in the form of a freaking snowstorm, just at "rush hour" (what passes for it around here, anyway) - that's when I had to GO to work, and the slush was 2 inches thick on the roads, and there was maybe an eighth of a mile visibility. Such fun. Will said you'd have thought he was driving in North Carolina, there were so many cars off the road! I mean, it's not like there's been no ice and snow this winter; how can people forget how to drive in three weeks?
And in the middle of feeling sad and angry and memories of putting my own cat down five years ago coming back to haunt me, and just general tapped-outness, I thought Herb blew me off when he really didn't, and I'm SO glad I was calm when I asked him about it, instead of freaking out, which I'd done earlier. By myself. While I was obsessing about whether or not he really did what I was thinking he might have done, but then again, why would he do that, I must be nuts. Like that. I don't know why I'd even think he would do something like that, why can't I trust the people who love me??? Why do I always expect I'm gonna get hurt? I probably set myself up for it, by expecting it. Not smart.
I think, at the moment, I'm just wiped out. I even took myself off the schedule at work Saturday - I didn't have anything yet, anyway, and no one else is working, so fuck it. I need to re-group. Again. I'm certainly doing a lot of knitting! It's very soothing. I've made 3 scarves in the last 3 weeks!
Ah, shit, the weather needs to straighten up, and I need to get a grip on myself.
It's not healthy to be so anticipatory of the next awful thing.